Someone Please Tell Me December 31, 2007

That they have given Ryan Seacrest the boot and Dick Clark is back hosting his Rockin’ New Year’s Eve Special?? Not like I get to watch it or anything, but still – its the principle of it all. I personally think that Dan, Jess and I sleeping would be better TV than the Seacrest doing anything. Speaking of sleeping, I just have to give a shout out to my loving parents for buying me a sleep mask for Christmas. Yeah, yeah, I know – sleep mask. Seriously – there were a few reasons I wanted a sleep mask – for starters, it gets light here at about 4:30 in the morning – which is not really conducive to me sleeping and for the past few months I have taken to sleeping with my pillow over my head. Actually that’s probably the only reason but still – I wanted that sleep mask so bad I did research and found one for a mere $10 at Bath and Body Works – placed the order with mama vee and shazam! Three weeks later – I am now developing parrot-like tendancies. I put that mask on and I am OUT. Love it. Don’t judge – get your butts down to B&BW and pick up one. It is a godsend.

Other random things on my mind lately, besides getting ready for work tonight and preparing myself to deal with masses of drunk people….. Oh! I just finished this awesome book – it has been out for a few years but somehow slipped underneath my radar – Scar Tissue – an autobiography by Anthony Keidis – the lead singer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers – it is an amazing book about addiction, redemption and success – Cher used to babysit him – pretty dang cool.

It has been windy and rainy for the past two days – I guess the weather on the coast is even worse, they have closed down all the beaches and cancelled half of the fireworks displays on the Gold Coast – I’ve been stuck inside with nowhere to go and am driving myself nuts. I am actually watching a Freddie Prinze Jr. movie right now. Could someone invent a device that I could turn on the tv and watch whatever my little heart desired? I’m not talking about Netflix or anything – I need instant gratification. For instance, you are sitting on the couch and all the sudden you think, Gosh I really wish I could watch Troop Beverly Hills right now (don’t judge me) or you know, Bourne Identity or something – all you would have to do is turn on your tv, search the database and BAM! your movie would come on. Does something like this exist?  Can someone find it or make it? Should I just become less dependent on movies? Forvgive me…. I’ve been in the house for two days – sad, I know. I should be thinking about chapters for a book I want to write, writing jokes to tell or returning emails instead I am trying to think of what to make for dinner and wishing there wasn’t eight hours of cricket on two of the four channels we get.

Well, I’ve got tonight to think of my New Year’s resolutions – I am revving myself up for a post a day in January – other things will I am sure include something to do with turning my flab into fab – but who knows. Hope everyone has something fun planned for the evening – even if its just staying home – that can be more fun than going out – love to my parents, brothers and friends – please be safe tonight – I want emails with funny stories. Hello to my Grandma Jean – congrats on the new computer!! Also hello to everyone in Dr. Mike’s dental office – he spilled the beans that you all have been following along on my little adventure – thanks for staying tuned!! Maybe when I get back we can work out a little arrangement for a cleaning, I’m so overdue I’m beginning to feel British. Don’t think I’ll be a member of the smile club for a bit…… guh.

Happy New Years!!!

Merry Christmas to all….I’m still on vacation!! December 29, 2007

Here is a photo of Jess, Dan and me on Christmas Eve – Yes, this is a different dress from Jess’s birthday – its just unfortunate that every dress I own is black. Ugh.

Anyway – MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!! Although it’s Saturday here…. still, I can feel the Christmas spirit – Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Last Saturday was my last night at work – Sunday was the long awaited work Christmas party…..I don’t really know where to start with this one….

I guess last year the company took the entire staff down to the Gold Coast and they partied at the Australian Big Brother house. This year we went to some dodgy Chinese restaurant for Yum-Cha. Of course Dan and I are slightly late – he couldn’t be on time for something if I paid him (Kind of like someone else I know named Karah) and we squeaked in just as everyone was sitting down. Soo – yeah. We are all at these large round tables and while the owner is giving his thank – you for the year speech, the servers start dropping off food at our tables – all the food is placed in the middle on this circular – revolving thing and things are looking pretty good – we’ve got some prawn dumplings, some calamari – some egg rolls – we’re all excited to start eating. Matthew finishes handing out some awards to people who have been there for years and are leaving (at which point Dan leans over to me and says, “Don’t worry – I’m sure they’ll plan a party for you when you leave in three months” and gives me this reassuring pat on the knee… what a weisenheimer) and we all dig in. Things are going great – wine and conversations are flowing – people are having fun…. And then they bring out the chicken feet. Ok – just a speed bump, right? Nope. After chicken feet comes these balls of unidentified meat that look like they emptied out a can of Alpo, formed it into a ball and stuck a few chunks of celery in for garnish. You all know how I feel about meat – let alone unidentified meat. Last but not least comes the tripe. Yes. Beef Intestine. According to my besty Wikipedia we were served the “Honeycomb” variety. (I kind of told Dan it was fish intestine and he ended up eating three or four pieces – honest mistake, really!) I think they figured out we weren’t really jazzed about the exotic selection placed before us and almost halfheartedly brought out fries at the end. Needless to say, I stopped for a slice of pizza a few hours later. Despite the tripe - the Pier Nine Christmas Party was pretty fun – it was nice to hang with co-workers and not be worried about tables. Dan had to leave a bit early to go to work, but I stayed and had a blast.

Christmas was fun – Jess’s parents and sister were in town and I hate to say I don’t think they really got the best of Brisbane weather – today is actually the first sunny day we’ve had in a while and it isn’t that great. We went out for dinner on Christmas Eve and made dinner on Christmas Day – They went to the Zoo and did a brewery tour as well while they were here, Dan and I kind of just hung out. It was great to have them here – so nice to see some familiar faces from home.

I know you all have been eagerly awaiting a long post – Sorry I can’t deliver – I’m sure I’ve got some funny stories to share, but am really doing a half-ass job here. I promise to post more later when I can fully concentrate. I hope everyone had a great holiday and got everything their little heart desired – I know I did!! Package from mom and dad full of fun treats and finally a box from Sarah, Mike and Peyton!! I would’ve gotten that one earlier but the FedEx dude and I were clearly not on the same schedule. Dan thanks you from the bottom of his little heart for the Maxim and he has actually stolen the book you bought for me as well – the little sneak. Who knew he liked Chick Lit. I also thank you for it - the box was awesome and I loved your Christmas photo this year! Thanks Katie and Chad for the holiday card!! Love and thanks to everyone else for all the comments – I’ve got to go write some emails that are long overdue!

Fries are Chips and Chips are Crisps….. Whatever. December 15, 2007

Hello to my adoring public! (Mom and Dad, this means you) Right now I am sitting on the couch, awaiting my night shift watching an old Marilyn Monroe movie. I feel so glamorous with my unwashed hair. Speaking of the movie thats on – one strange thing about Australian television is that they show movies unedited. Nudity? No problem. Excessive swearing (including the “f” word) – not a big deal. Violence? Who cares! We don’t even have cable!! One downside to not having cable is that we get probably the worst American television shows. I have found I really will watch anything. Case in point, my three week addiction to Pepper Dennis – a one season show staring Rebecca Romjin as a TV reporter. We also get According to Jim, Hope and Faith and America’s Next Top Model from three seasons ago. I think Jess and my Friday night highlights include watching The Biggest Loser – who knows what season – all I know is lately I’ve been working Fridays and I missed the episode where one woman snuck into the cheat room and stuffed her face with cake in front of hidden cameras. I miss everything.

Well, its been about a week since I’ve written – sorry, maybe my New Year’s resolution will be to write a post every day for the month of January – hold in your excitment kids!! As the black eye has been healing (I’m almost 100 percent back to my regular gorgeous tan self) I’ve been spending my time perusing the massive box of reading material my loving grandma Aggie sent – Thanks again Ag, those books have been a lifesaver. I just finished a Nora Roberts book – (FYI Nora Roberts writes g-rated romance novels) and now my vocabulary is filled with words like “Drat!” and  I told Dan his soap had a “masculine tang” to it- honestly there was a sentence in the book that said “He tasted like fire” I don’t really know that means, but it sounds dangerous. Don’t worry mom – that book is in your Christmas box. I’ll be sending it on Monday – so you might not see it until after Christmas – whoops.

To answer some questions that people have asked in the comments section -

Callie: “Are Australian Christmas carols different that US Christmas carols” – well…. I can’t answer that because I’ve only heard like, two Christmas carols – its like my dream come true!! The Aussies have a totally different take on Christmas – they order “Christmas Hampers” from what I can tell this is just a big box of food they give as a present – like a Hilshire Farms gift basket but worse. Hardly any restaurant is decorated for Christmas – No one plays carols or anything – actually the only decorations are downtown – and those aren’t even out of control – its definitely not the “In your face” Christmas marketing that we have in the states. I can almost forget its Christmas – and actually did a double take the other day when a manager at work wished someone “Merry Christmas”. I totally had to remind myself that it is Christmas in like, 10 days.

Tara: “Do they tip similar to the states?” – NO!!! But, on the bright side – I make almost $20 an hour. All of our tips are combined and you can pick them up every Friday – I haven’t been picking mine up since before Fraser Island – I’m trying to save them for the big New Zealand trip but when I was picking them up I made over $100 a week in tips. Sounds paltry, right? Yesterday I had a group of 11 younger women – all looked in their mid to late 20’s, all looked like plastic surgery queens with giant rocks ont their fingers – the bill was about $1,300 and they left me four bucks. What a joke. At the restaurant I work at the cheapest bill I have ever seen was still over $130 for two people and there is no way they would ever dream of leaving $23 – which would be a 20 percent tip – something I think has become standard in the states. The biggest tip I have ever gotten was $40 and the table’s bill was probably $600 or so. Ugh.

Jess took the weekend to meet a friend from the states and go to a surf camp in Byron Bay – I can’t wait to hear how she did – I wish I would’ve been able to go – but work is my best friend. Last night after work Dan and I went out with some people from my work – it was the pastry chef’s birthday and she rented a karaoke room at a bar. I didn’t get off work until super late and Dan, my work friends and I didn’t arrive until about 12:30. It wasn’t pretty. We walked into this dingy bar and walked down this long hallway with rooms – like a hotel from hell. We got in the room everyone from Pier Nine was in – it smelled like a sweaty gym sock, hot and crammed full of people – Amanda the birthday girl was slumped on a stool wailing the words to “Pretty Woman” – think unintelligible Australian accent wailing. During the hour we were there I saw her alternately laughing and crying in the corner – it was great. A Japanese cook sang “Eye of the Tiger” and I believe we also heard a rendition of Bon Jovi’s Bed of Roses (Jenn you would’ve loved it). Dan just sat there wide eyed in confusion – I can’t believe we actually stayed an hour. I can’t wait to go to work today and hear what else happened.

Speaking of work – I better go get ready. Everyone please stop apologizing for writing long emails – there is nothing I love more than a nice long email – the only thing better would be a nice long letter. Email me for my address if interested in becoming pen pals. Thank you to Mike, Sarah, Tara, Katie A., Leann and my loving family for the promises of packages to come – I can’t wait!! I have an order from the chef at work to get him some “US lollies” – he has requested Hot Tamales and Sugar Babies – anyone interested in helping me fulfill this request, please email me as well – I owe you one. Love you mom and dad – Tara your new apartment looks amazing! – Crystal, I hope you had fun in Texas – Karah, Krista and Ann Marie – it wouldn’t kill any of you to write me an email – don’t make me not send you anything fun while I’m here – Also Karah, send me your new address…. Love everyone -

Happy Birthday Jess!! December 6, 2007

Hey everyone!!

I’ve got a lot to catch everyone up on – sorry its taken me a while to post, but life in “Minimal Responsibility” land has been quite busy – and I’ve been trying to think of some fun things to write about – so lets see…. the Top 10 events the past week have been:

10 – Further examples of how the Aussie’s like to abbreviate and rhyme almost everything. Top three things I have learned in the last week are

1 – Howard Halt: this is also known as a salt shaker – because “Halt” rhymes with “salt”. Howard is also an old Australian PM who disappeared while swimming one day in the ocean – his body was never found

2 – Seppo: this is what the Aussies call Americans  because (wait for it….) Yank rhymes with “tank” as in septic tank. Brilliant.

1 – John Dory: someone will ask you this in a sentence such as “Whats the John Dory?” because “Dory” rhymes with “story” as in, whats new or as Emrys would say, “What’s your deal?”

9 – I am now the proud owner of a 10 pound ham. Yep, thanks to the management at Pier Nine each of us humble employees gets a leg ham for Christmas. But Jackie, what are you going to do with a 10 pound ham?? Beats me – tonight I actually made some of it for Dan, complete with mashed potatoes, gravy and corn – it felt like Christmas at Grandma Aggie’s minus Grandpa in the Santa suit with cotton ball eyebrows. Ahhh, Christmas.

8 – Jess and I went out for lunch yesterday for her birthday and I witnessed a woman spanking her child. Yeah, spanking – we’ve all been spanked once or twice in our lifetimes, but this woman took the time to not deliver just a small swat on the butt – but actually pulled the kid off his seat, pulled down his pants AND his undies and spanked his bare butt in front of the entire restaurant as he squirmed around crying. Then she just went back to eating her lunch – you should’ve seen the look on the server’s face – so uncomfortable.

7 – The Australian Fashion Photo of the week is more like a two part series – the first part features two girls out strolling the town trying way to hard. Skirts and dresses here are about four inches shorter than anywhere I have ever seen in the States. I have seen more random girl’s butts in the past few weeks than ever in my life. The other day Jess was shopping and was told a shirt she tried on was actually a dress. Scary. The second part is an example of the terrific uniforms the schoolies wear – complete with Bush hat. I think they need to see “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead” for some inspiration a la Christina Applegate.

6 – Dan got a bike!! He is super excited and got a great deal – $50 at Cash Converters whoo hoo! The bike came complete with a helmet – its the law here to wear helmets while biking. Apparently Dan thought he was above the law and on the way home a police car actually stopped and over the intercom shouted to him “Sir, please put on your helmet” He’s lucky he didn’t get himself slapped with a $75 fine.

5 – I made friends! Thats right – end the candlelight vigils – I went out for breakfast with my two new friends Chloe and Laura on Tuesday morning. You can tell I was excited – the only times I’ve been up that early since I moved here was before we had a house and when Jess and I went to Fraser. Chloe is from New Zealand and Laura is an Aussie – I work with both of them at Pier Nine. I think breakfast went alright, hopefully I’ll be invited back next week and they’ll keep talking to me at work. If not, its back to square one.

4 – I don’t know how David Letterman does it. I am racking my brain for four more things that are fun….. I think I’m going to have to skip four through one and just give the details on Jess’s SUPER fun birthday.

1 – Yesterday was our celebration of her 25 years of life – Jess and I went out for lunch, strolled around town – and went out for a celebratory glass of wine and chocolate pudding dessert at our neighborhood pub at around 3:00. It really set the tone for the rest of the evening. When we got home we popped a bottle of champagne and I did an interprative dance with my leg ham. Check out Flickr for more intimate details. We are ridiculous. Then we went out for dinner at Pier Nine – our first dinner out that didn’t consist of pizza or food court sushi. It was hands down the best seafood I have ever eaten (sorry Red Lobster). To start we had some oysters, calamari and mussels and for our main course Jess and I had Morton Bay Bugs (a specialty in Queensland – they are small shovel nose lobsters) and Dan had a mud crab. Our server Mark kind of talked him into it – after Mark left the table Dan said “Great, I don’t even like shellfish” but he was singin’ a different tune once that crab got put on the table. That kid was so excited about that crab I think you could’ve stolen his wallet while he was eating and he wouldn’t have even noticed. The food was amazing. We finished off the meal with some dessert and a few more cocktails and then left Pier Nine before we got too out of hand. At least, I hope we did – I guess I’ll find out when I go in for work tomorrow. We stopped in at the Coffee Club to see some of Jess’s work friends and had another drink. One thing led to another and I made up a song about spectacles, Jess kissed the ferry man and Dan and I ended up in the pool fully clothes practicing a synchronized swimming routine. Thank god we aren’t celebrating anymore birthdays until February. I woke up this morning with a splitting headache and a nice little shiner. Apparently we got a little out of control in the pool. I guess I forgot I was 26.

Hope everyone is surviving the snow storms – its 90 and sunny here. I love you mom and dad – Ann Marie, SO glad to get your email, I thought you fell off the face of the Earth – Sarah and Karah – it was SO great to talk to you both – we’ll have to do more of that! Thank you all for your consistent commitment to commenting and sending me emails – I love them all. Talk soon!